And so, i was awaken one morning by a telephone call that seems especially urgent, probably because i needed to pee.

So i cleared my sexy morning tone, and answered.

Warning: The following conversation is dangerous, and no one should attempt anywhere, anyhow, anytime. All in chinese of course.


"&^%$#..Please, press 9 for assistance"

"Hello??"

"You have reached the phone line for the High Court of Justice..&#%@$" (

"Hello??"

"If you have any enquiry, please, press 9"

"Wei?? Ning hao. This is the High Court of Justice, how may i assist you??"

"...er..wo bu zhi dao. Is you guys who called me. And asked me to press 9" (DUH, shouldnt i be assisting you instead??)

"oh. May i know what's your surname miss? Why not you give me your i/c and your full name and i'll check for you??"

Being very sceptical, and immediately knowing from her china, opps wrong spelling, cheena voice tone, i knew it's one of those scams that i read online. A woman got cheated off 10000 dollars in that email.

"oh. Zhuo Shu...Zhen."

"er sorry? Zhuo Shu Zhen xiao jie. Do you have an english name?"

Wow. At that point i'm quite impressed they even wanted to know my english name. Nice move dude.

"oh. Britney."

"sorry?? Beetney? May i know how to spell??"

"ohh sure. B-r-i-t-n-e-y."

"sorrrry? B-e-e-t-t-n-e-i?

Oh come on...You workin as an operator at the HIGH court of justice surely you know how to spell that simple name. *ROLL EYES*

"er..ahh yes yes."

"Can i have your i/c so i can help you check??"

Enough of your nonsense girl! Go and do your homework and stop all this bloody scams!

"er..i think it's ok. I'll check it out myself"

"oh ok. No problem. Let's us know soon"

For goodness sake. I think it's a first i just wasted 5 minutes of my time actually enjoying being britney of a moment there. Geee if they need to scam someone so bad, at least get a machine that comes in ENGLISH. And one without the china, opps wrong spelling again, cheena accent thank you very much. *roll eyes*

Switching topic,

Guess what?? Behold! I finally unravelled the reasons behind those beetles comin into my room and my room only. I know my life is untterly interesting. So just bear with me and enjoy the ride k. lol

So i was doing my work in my room one quiet, peaceful and serene evening,

when suddenly!

*cue eerie creepy background music"

A beetle came flying straight into my room, knocking itself against my wardrobe.
And immediately i knew,
shite, you are back.

After a brief 5 mins of catchin it or so (gettin the hang of it), i, the beetle expert managed to lock it inside the plastic prison as liyana whould put it aptly.

*cue cheers*

So i thought, why not i release it from my brather room's window instead of my room?? (cos it flew back in several times. I know. Just dont ask me why)

And so i released it by flinging the bag in a 180 degrees fashion, only to see it fly to the left on the outside.

And bam! My first reaction is to run back to my room and there it was, back again.
I swear i saw it wearin arnold's sunglasses while sayin that in my face.

And so, the routine sets in. Jump.Catch it.lock it.breathe.

But here's exciting part.

I heard another thudding sound, and my beetlecatcher senses came knockin in and screamed,
There's another bloody beetle residing in my room!



Two in one night. Must be my lucky day. Yes, please note the sacarsm

So my crazy, sick lulu mind alter ego came whispering my ear,
Why not put them together and see what happens?? Maybe they'll fight and bite each other's head off or something! I knew back then that i had enough beetle charm to make them do that. And so, my biology experiment began.
Hek hek hek.

And there i was, calm and collected. With my popcorn, anxiously anticipating what my science experiment will turn out.

And ta dah!



They are bloody humping each other! The smaller male slowly approached the bigger one(the second that i found) and immediately does the deed! It's like, you can see nature's instinct at its best naturally without question.

After 2 mins, Still in the heat..



After 15 mins, They are STILL gettin it on. I swear the guy was winking at me and givin me the thumps up. I did the same of course.



At the 20th minute sharp, the deed is done.


Both exhausted. And impregnated. I believe the guy will pass away after a few days, while the female continue to lay her eggs before she, too, will die. Damn, call me a geek, but i love discovery channel.

And so, mystery resolved! All the beetles that came one by one looking for the dainty female are actually the beetle testosterone rich guys. Believe it or not, this is actually the second time i saw at my own home. One in hougang, and another over here. What can i say, i'm the beetle queen. And, I believed i scored a distinction for that one. WINK. hahaha.

Phew now it's all over. They are Never comin again!

*sigh*





You think so??

You think wrong.


The very next day, they came back again. One by one. Except this time, i got the shock of my life. Even my mum is baffled, though amused by how i am being the beetle magnet unwillingly.

Ladies and gentlemen, presenting


The Cockroach Man.

Except, that's not a cockroach guys. It's a bloody beetle! The King of it all!
I swear it's the biggest i have seen.

I know none of you would believe how much of a beetle magnet i am. But it's true. Yes, it's all true.

It flew at a direct angle, heading straight in my face when i was chewing my dinner that night. Promting me to act on my very graceful stunt.








I bloody used all my courage to cover the beetle, and added my nailcliper as the weight above lest it escapes. I'm tellin ya, the size can make anyone cringe. And my brather to squeal.

So next time,

when you walk with me,

be afraid.

Be very, very afraid.